Ah! Lovely Snow!

I just had to post this story about snow today. It seems appropriate with everyone getting so much right now. This has been passed around through email where I work for several years. It seems someone digs it out every winter and sends it around (sometimes it is me). I would love to know who the author is and give them credit--it is so funny! Note: The "original" is dated the month of December with reference to Christmas. I have edited it a tiny bit to fit the month of February. If you would like a copy of the original, send me an email and I will send it to you


"February 8 (6:00 PM):
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our coffee and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

February 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

February 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have lots more! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor.

February 14:
Snow, lovely snow! Eight inches fell last night! The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.

February 15:
20 inches in the forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

February 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like crazy. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

February 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Boy do I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room!

February 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the nasty stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Blasted snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

February 22:
Bob was right! Hard to believe, but 13 more inches of that white mess fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August! Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went and dressed again I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

February 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0.

February 24:
Six inches! The snow was packed so hard by the snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack! If I ever catch the guy who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his fingernails. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to watch television with her, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.

February 25:
Unbelievable! 20 more inches of the messy slop tonight. Snowed in! The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. Gee, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot.

February 26:
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

February 27:
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

February 28:
Warmed up to – 35 degrees. Still snowed in. That woman is driving me crazy!!!!!

March 1:
Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

March 2:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Another 9" predicted.

March 4:
Weatherman says it's the warmest winter they have ever had, but looks like a cold streak is coming.

March 5:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

March 9:
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?"