The 12 Days of After Christmas?

The 12 Days after Christmas*

The First day after Christmas
my true love and I had a fight.
And so I chopped the Pear Tree down
and burnt it just for spite.
Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted Partridge.
My true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
and very gently wrung the necks,
of both the Turtle Doves.
My true love gave to me.

The third day after Christmas
my mother caught the croup,
I had to use the Three French Hens,
to make some chicken soup.
The Four Calling Birds
were a big mistake
for their language was obscene.
The Five Golden Rings
were completely fake
they turned my fingers green
My true love gave to me.

The sixth day after Christmas
the Six Laying Hens wouldn't lay,
so I gave the whole darn gaggle,
to the RSPCA.
My true love gave to me.

On the seventh day after Christmas
what a mess I found
All Seven of the Swimming Swans
had gone and bloomin drowned.
My true love gave to me.

The eighth day after Christmas
before they could suspect.
I bundled up the Eight Maids-a-Milking,
Nine ladies Dancing, Ten Lords a-Leaping,
Eleven Pipers Piping and Twelve Drummers Drumming
( well actually, I kept one of the drummers )
and sent them back collect.
My true love gave to me

I wrote my true love,
"We are through, Love."
and I said in so many words,
" Furthermore, your Christmas gifts
were for the birds." 

*I don't have an author to give credit to.  Here is the link if you are interested in where I found it . . http://www.kraftz.com/christmas-funny-verses.html